Category: Short

Hot Takes

It’s been a busy week, and I have not been able to finish any of the things I have started writing recently. But since I’ve made a renewed personal commitment to try and get myself to post things consistently, instead here are a collection of assorted hot-takes. The sort of things that might be tweeted, if I had any desire to tweet. 

If someone is going to require you to go watch/read/see a thing online, they should be obliged to send you a direct link to that thing. If that link doesn’t work, I am not obligated to hunt it down.
If you park in an electric vehicle spot, I will henceforth assume that your car doesn’t need gasoline. If it has any in it, I will do you the favor of siphoning it out. 
As of this year, experts estimate the number of spam and scam calls has eclipsed the number of legitimate phone calls. With this in mind, if you call me and your number does not come up on my phone, your call will be going to voicemail. 
Handicap spots are for people who need them. Your permission to park there has nothing to do with how long you’ll be parked, whether you remain with your vehicle, what kind of car you drive, how big your wallet is, or what power you have over the rest of the facilities. If I have a handicap tag and you don’t, you’re in my spot. 
On a related note: it’s true that under the Americans with Disabilities Act, accessible restrooms / stalls are not exclusive to those who rely on them. However, those that need them don’t always have a lot of options. I get that sometimes when you gotta go, there’s no time to look for other options, and okay, fine. But while I’d hope that you would clean up after yourself regardless, if you are leave a handicap stall worse than you found it, you are a horrible person.
There is a difference in a public space between giving your kids room to explore, and letting them run wild. This is up to you to find the balance. However, if your children are causing property damage, are infringing on my personal space, or are making such a ruckus that I have to turn up my music volume above that which is required by the ambient noise of the surroundings, you are failing. 

Year One Done

This week has been quite the ride for me. Even though I’m the best student I know, finals are stressful. Perhaps I am just particularly susceptible to pressure in this vein, but it seems like the mere institution of final exams are profoundly anxiety-inducing. Add in some medical issues and a healthy sprinkling of social drama, and what was supposed to be a slam dunk became a chaotic tumble across the finish line. 

Thus ends my first full year of college. There are many lessons to unpack, and I expect I shall spend the next few weeks doing so. In the meantime, however, I have blocked off some much needed time for glorious nothingness, followed by the launch of my summer projects. 

In other news, I am proud of my brother. This week was his eighteenth birthday. By lucky coincidence, the day of his birthday was also a local budget referendum. 
In the scheme of things, a plebiscite to ratify the issuing of bonds to finance a new air conditioning unit for the recreation center is far from the most important vote. The kind of people who wind up voting in such things tend to either be obsessed with local politics, or people who have committed to always voting, no matter the issue. 

My brother and I voted. I did so because I see it as my civic and patriotic duty to cast my ballot for what I believe to be the greater good. And I am proud of him, because he joined me in casting a ballot, even though he didn’t have to, even though it was a perfectly nice day out and he had other things to do, as a matter of pride. 

Those are the headlines for this week, or at least the ones that I can get through at the moment. Focusing everything on getting out the other end of the semester has set back my writing and drained my mind of topics for a time. 

Resolutions for 2019

Per tradition, here are the three main items I’ve settled on as my publicly-declared 2019 New Year’s Resolutions.

1. Get a Haircut

Some variation of this has made its way onto my list for the past four years or so, even if I haven’t always included it when I publish my goals. This is partly tongue in cheek- a little joke to remind myself that it’s not life or death if not everything goes to plan. But aside from the fact that I do, in fact, need a haircut in the near future, putting some low-hanging fruit on my list helps remind me that I’m serious about getting these things done. There is also an important theme of self-care here. It’s funny, because you’d think for the inordinate amount of time, thought, and energy I put into my health and keeping me alive, that I’d be better at making sure I shave, brush my teeth, and avoid sitting in the same place and staring at a screen until my eyes burn. But actually, no, I’m pretty bad at that stuff, because next to the things I need to do to stay alive, everything else seems like a very distant second. So I need to remind myself from time to time that there’s more to being healthy than just the things that keep me alive. 

2. Find a regular activity, or set of activities

It turns out, having very little experience with actually having free time, I often find myself at a loss when there’s nothin bearing down on me. Consequently, I need to find a better thing to do than just pace around like an idle villager in age of empires when my work is completed. I haven’t decided what exactly that will shape out to be. I have no shortages of projects that I put on pause when I started classes, but I don’t know whether any of them are suited to my purpose. I’d also like to draw up some notion of how much time is an appropriate amount of time to spend on video games, because while I think playing games is a good way to kick back and pass time, without any sort of yardstick, I find myself playing perhaps more than I would think wise if I were actually planning my time. This sounds like a separate resolution, but it’s actually the same thing- I want to come up with a set of activities and a balance that lets me have multiple vectors of outputs without pouring everything I’ve got on a given day into one particular item. 

3. Stop procrastinating on correspondence

This has been a vice of mine since basically the first time I got an email. I have a tendency to postpone responding to things, often without a good reason, until the deadline for whatever it was passes. I know I’m sabotaging myself, and I don’t enjoy procrastinating, because some part of me is still agonizing about the thing. What makes this habit slightly more difficult to kick is the fact that there are genuinely circumstances when it’s better that I postpone responding to things. When I’m sick, for instance, I often don’t respond rationally or properly to people, and I’ve gotten myself in trouble this way more than once. So I need to find a balance between jumping the gun and shooting myself in the foot. I’ve gotten better at this, but not good enough yet.


Happy Birthday

Note: This post went up late due to unavoidable, if not necessarily unforseeable, circumstances.

Despite my best efforts I find it rather difficult to muster the expected elation at my twenty first birthday. Truth be told, I find myself feeling mostly quite bitter about the whole affair.

There are, I think, a few different reasons for this, but they all come back to the same thing: a knowledge that this isn’t really on my terms. I mean that both in the acute sense, that I have been too sick and busy and friendless to arrange the Gatsbyesque birthday bash that I think I deserve, the notion of which I have frequently entertained myself, and the larger sense that I fear that my life is not living up to its potential.

The first concern is compounded by the knowledge that I haven’t had a proper birthday party since I was hospitalized on my eighteenth birthday, and had to cancel all planned events. This wasn’t the first time that birthday celebrations for me have had to be rescheduled; my birthday seems to come at a rather awkward time of year given how my health usually plays out. In fact, I struggle to remember whether it was even the first year I missed having a proper birthday party. But being both in the hospital on my actual birthday, and unable to have a proper celebration afterwards, stung.

I’ll admit, there’s a part of me that feels shortchanged. After all, what good is a birthday without having other people make a big fuss over oneself? Especially a big milestone like eighteen. But it’s not gifts that I miss. After all, almost anything that it would occur to me to require from birthday presents I can easily buy for myself, or even wait until Christmas.

I do miss my friends: by eighteen, I had just about weeded out the people that I earnestly enjoyed from the people I had been obliged to tolerate through high school, and after that birthday most everyone started off on their different ways for college, and I have seen very little of them. But what I truly feel robbed of is the milestone; the opportunity to have something to look back on, tell stories about, and compare with other people’s eighteenth birthdays. In this respect, being in the hospital on my eighteenth birthday was just the then-latest in a long line of derailed plans and broken dreams.

By that time, the high school had already dropped the ball hard enough that after four years of attending I was still four years behind, despite testing as gifted and above my class level on their own tests intended to label me with a learning disability. So it was clear I wasn’t going to get to graduate alongside my friends, or follow them off to college, or get out of the toxic environment of that school. I’ve not had a birthday party with all of my friends since, and probably never will. Nor have I made other friends.

Even if I did, what would I do? I can’t go out drinking on my twenty first birthday because alcohol conflicts with my medication. And in any case, I lack the stamina and constitution for a proper night on the town. I’m already on the brink of missing classes because of my health. No, I don’t get to have a normal birthday, just like I don’t get to have a normal life. I don’t get to choose or plan how or when I celebrate.

Of course, I do still celebrate, even when I sometimes fail to see the point. Even when I quietly, or in some cases, not so quietly, question whether there is in fact anything to celebrate, or indeed any point at all in continued effort, despite my apparently better judgement, I continue. Some have said that this is courage or nobility, or some other virtue. Truth be told, I think it’s mostly stubbornness.

Anyways, happy birthday to me.

Attn Millenials

The website analytics suggest that the majority of my audience are young Americans, so I’d like to take a moment to address this group specifically. Everyone else can take the week off.

Alright, guys, gals, and non-binary pals, listen up: I think we may have made a mistake. I’m concerned that recent events indicate that the oldsters don’t actually know what they’re doing any more than we do, which is what we assumed when we, collectively as a demographic, decided we could get away with not voting. According to the census bureau, less than half of us who were eligible voted in the last election, compared to more than 70% of oldsters.

Now, I’m not going to try and pin the blame everything bad that’s happened in politics on the elderly, but I am starting to think that we might need to step in. The geezers have had their chance, now it’s our turn.

The bad news is that this is going to require a commitment, from all of us. How much of a commitment will depend largely on where you live. Voting is easier to do in some states and localities than others. Some towns you can waltz into a polling place without any wait, and even register day of if you’ve forgotten. Other places require you to have your papers in order months ahead of time, wait in lines that rival Disney world, and endure cross examination from misanthropic poll workers.

This discrepancy is not accidental. These are the jurisdictions that fear us and the power we hold as voters, as well they should. These measures are designed to frustrate you into apathy. Don’t let them.

The good news is, no matter where you live in the United States, your right to vote is sacrosanct. To this end, there are resources you can call upon to help ensure your voice is heard. There are multiple nonprofit organizations dedicated to ensuring you have all the information necessary to jump through whatever hoops exist for voting in your jurisdiction. Your state government will have sample ballots with voting instructions. Local organizations provide transportation to the polls on voting day, and if necessary you can enlist help to cast your ballot if you have a disability.

Ideally, you will want to be an informed voter. This is where having access to a sample ballot is especially helpful. You can research candidates and issues beforehand and take notes. Don’t worry about studying; you’re entitled to take notes with you into the voting booth. But above all, don’t lose the forest for the trees. Voting at all is far more important than researching until you find a perfect candidate.

Our time is nigh. We, the young voters of America must stand up and take charge. The old guard have demonstrated that they do not know any better, and are no more qualified to vote or make decisions about our the fate of our country and our world than any of us. It is in our best interests, as well as our obligation, to step up and take responsibility, before outside events thrust that responsibility upon us.

Keeping Our Country Great

The United States is a truly marvelous country. It isn’t that other countries don’t have similar freedom, domestic tranquility, or prosperity. What makes the United States truly stand out isn’t any of these in particular, or even in combination. It isn’t anything that can be measured or exported. Rather, it is the notion that all of these things listed; life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; are not only inviolable, but sacred. Freedom of speech, security of property, and opportunity without discrimination are not merely tools to help society progress and prevent other injustices, but are fundamentally good in themselves. This, not our army, or economy, or laws, or geography, is what makes America unique. These are what make America great

But while these things make us strong, they also makes us vulnerable. That we hold such things to be sacred means that we often take them for granted. After all, if something is God-given and ordained, how can we mere mortals mess it up? This kind of attitude leads to a dangerous complacency, making us believe that freedom is free, or that only one kind of sacrifice from a small handful of brave souls is required to defend it.

The truth is that freedom, even American freedom, is fragile, and easy to lose. Like any sacred thing, freedom is only maintained through conscious dedication. The moment Americans stop treating freedom as a tangible practice that needs to be defended, and instead refer to it as an abstract thing that will always exist, the United States is just another country with laws and rhetoric that reference strong principles, rather than the bastion of democratic values. On that day, Americans will still have all the same rights, but it will become a simple task of modifying the laws to take them away, because there will be no more taboo.

So, how do we do it? How do we keep our principles alive and strong in such times? How do we make sure that the freedom, prosperity, and security we enjoy will survive to be passed onto our grandchildren? The answer is surprisingly simple. We must, all of us, make a commitment to partake in the rites of this country, not just in obligatory way that we pay taxes, but with the zeal of citizens who believe in the vision of their country’s future.

We must engage with our political system, force our representatives to earn their pay by engaging with us, and above all, vote. We must become and remain engaged citizens. We must earn our values through our actions.

One Week Smarter

Maybe it’s too soon to jump to conclusions, but I feel like the last week has been a step backwards. I’m not worried yet. This isn’t unexpected. Starting classes is a big step bound to overwhelm. But I had reckoned that once I hit the beaches, so to speak, even if I was scattered on the landings, that I would be able to quickly regroup before the battle, and I don’t feel like that’s happened.

I wouldn’t say I’m on the back foot. I’ve been on the back foot, and I’m not there yet. But I also wouldn’t say I’ve hit the ground running. I’m still in a reactive mindset, when I should be in a more proactive one. Maybe I simply haven’t had time to readjust back to a school schedule. But is this something that I’ll get the hang of in due course, or is this something I need to be consciously focusing on now? Is thinking about this problem needless anxiety, or do I need to think about it to pull me head out of the sand before it’s too late? I don’t know, and the uncertainty only makes me more nervous.
The feedback from those around me has been well meaning, but not always helpful. On the one hand I have people trying to congratulate me, when I’m reality this is the last thing I want.
For one thing, the path I am taking is not my first choice, or my second, or even third. I say that I’m going to a local community college; this ain’t quite true- it’s technically a state university, albeit a small one. But it isn’t where I planed to go, where I expected and was expected to go. It doesn’t reflect my talents or aptitudes, even if it might reflect my abilities. I’m not ashamed of the institution that I find myself at, but I am certainly ashamed of how I wound up here.
And yes, I know that for those sympathetic people who know my whole story, there is no shame in it. But aside from relying on the sympathy of others, a thing which I endeavor to avoid, it still doesn’t jive with the story I want to tell about myself. It isn’t the person I want to be, and that discrepancy makes me uncomfortable, especially when it is publicized.
For another, I have been trying to downplay this step to myself and others, partly to whitewash my shame, but also partly as a strategy to mitigate any future failure and play down the stakes to avoid psyching myself out. Whether or not I am the worst of my current enemies, I am certainly one of them, and the more I hear about how this is a big step, the more I question my own abilities to follow through. The more I question myself, the less sure I feel, and the less inclined I am to make myself vulnerable to failure by giving a full effort. So I downplay the importance of my actions, and take the official line that I don’t care. Or, as Epictetus wrote in the Enchiridion, “Whoever, then, would be free, let him wish nothing, let him decline nothing, […] wish things to be only just as they are, and him only to conquer who is the conqueror, for thus you will meet with no hindrance. But abstain entirely from declamations and derision and violent emotions.”
On the other hand are people who seem to expect me to be able to handle everything from here, as though in completing the walking through the gates ceremony I was imbued with psychic logistical, scheduling, future-reading and long-term planning abilities. All of a sudden, because I am, at least nominally, a college student, I am supposed to be able to handle all of my own affairs, despite no precedent of doing so. All of a sudden people who previously assured me it was fine to not know where I’m headed in life are berating me for not being better organized and having a plan. This leaves me feeling somewhat like I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me.
These concerns are compounded by the fact that they’re coming from people upon whom I am relying for the course of this endeavor, and whose insistence on moving forward along a more conventional, if not necessarily orthodox, path of starting college classes rather than, say, traveling or starting a small business, was a major motivating factor in the decision to pursue this path, despite considerable hesitation. The main justification, in so many words, for going to a local college instead of a perhaps more prestigious one further away, was the desire to avoid fighting on multiple fronts at once. The assumption was that by remaining as a commuter student, the dynamic outside of school, by which the processes of maintaining my day to day health are carried out, and the logistical issues inherent in college are handled, would not be essentially different. The prospect, therefore, of any change in this area is especially troublesome.
I desperately want to be successful in my classes. My experience in high school was awful, and I want to be able to prove, to myself as much as others, that this is not how things are destined to go. But after learning through long years and bitter tears that oftentimes adults who are charged with overseeing my success do not actually care, and do not feel an obligation to honor promises, morals, common sense, or indeed the law, it is difficult not to feel wary of the future.
I hope that this week is a “two steps forward, one step back” sort of deal. Despite all of this wariness, I remain cautiously optimistic on the whole. Whether or not I can take them in stride, I still reckon I can handle the challenges of my classes so far. But then again, I thought that starting high school.

A Witch’s Parable

Addendum: Oh good grief. This was supposed to go up at the beginning of the week, but something went awry. Alas! Well, it’s up now.

Suppose we live in colonial times, in a town on an archipelago. The islands are individually small and isolated, but their position relative to the prevailing winds and ocean currents mean that different small islands can grow a wide variety of crops that are normally only obtainable by intercontinental trade. The presence of these crops, and good, predictable winds and currents, has made those islands that don’t grow food into world renowned trade hubs, and attracted overseas investment.

With access to capital and a wide variety goods, the archipelago has boomed. Artisans, taking advantage of access to exotic painting supplies, have taken to the islands, and scientists of all stripes have flocked to the archipelago, both to study the exotic flora and fauna, and to set up workshops and universities in this rising world capital. As a result of this local renaissance, denizens of the islands enjoy a quality of life hitherto undreamt of, and matched only in the palaces of Europe.

The archipelago is officially designated as a free port, open to ships from across the globe, but most of daily life on the islands is managed by the Honorable South India Trading Company, who collect taxes and manage infrastructure. Nobody likes the HSITC, whose governor is the jealous brother of the king, and is constantly appropriating funds meant for infrastructure investment to spend on court intrigue.

Still, the HSITC is entrenched in the islands, and few are willing to risk jeopardizing what they’ve accomplished by attempting insurrection. The cramped, aging vessels employed by the HSITC as ferries between the islands pale in comparison to the new, foreign ships that dock at the harbors, and their taxes seem to grow larger each year, but as long as the ferry system continues to function, there is little more than idle complaint.

In this town, a local woman, who let’s say is your neighbor, is accused of witchcraft. After the debacle at Salem, the local magistrates are unwilling to prosecute her without absolute proof, which obviously fails to materialize. Nevertheless, vicious rumors about men being transmogrified into newts, and satanic rituals conducted at night, spread. Local schoolchildren and off duty laborers congregate around your house, hoping to get a glimpse of the hideous wretch that legend tells dwells next door.
For your part, you carry on with your daily business as best you can, until one day, while waiting at the docks to board a ferry to the apothecary, a spat erupts between the woman in question and the dock guard, who insists that he shan’t allow her to board, lest her witchery cause them to become shipwrecked. The woman is denied boarding, and since the HSITC run all the ferries, this now means that she’s effectively cut off from rest of the world, not by any conviction, but because there were not adequate safeguards against the whims of an unaccountable monopoly.
As you’ve probably guessed, this is a parable about the dangers posed by the removal of net neutrality regulations. The internet these days is more than content. We have banks, schools, even healthcare infrastructure that exist solely online. In my own case, my life support systems rely on internet connectivity, and leverage software and platforms that are distributed through open source code sharing. These projects are not possible without a free and open internet.
Others with more resources than I have already thoroughly debunked the claims made by ISPs against net neutrality. The overwhelming economic consensus is that the regulations on the table will only increase economic growth, and will have no impact on ISP investment. The senate has already passed a bill to restore the preexisting regulations that were rescinded under dubious circumstances, and a house vote is expected soon.
I would ask that you contact your elected representatives, but this issue requires more than that. Who has access to the internet, and under what terms, may well be the defining question of this generation, and regardless of how the vote in the house goes, this issue and variants of it will continue to crop up. I therefore ask instead that you become an active participant in the discussion, wherever it takes us. Get informed, stay informed, and use your information to persuade others.
I truly believe that the internet, and its related technologies, have the potential to bring about a new renaissance. But this can only happen if all of us are aware and active in striving for the future we seek. This call to arms marks the beginning of a story that in all likelihood will continue for the duration of most of our lifetimes. We must consult with each other, and our elected representatives, and march, and rally, and vote, by all means, vote. Vote for an open internet, for equal access, for progress, and for the future.

Wanted: Backpack

Job opening: Backpack, medium to large, willing to work long hours in rugged and varied environments to replace aging current backpack. Benefits few, but travel is included, and mandatory. Candidates must include:

Minimum two separate pockets

At least one water bottle pouch capable of holding at least one standard sized 24oz bottle without breaking or losing bottle

At least two comfortable straps, capable of being adjusted to fit other wearers, in line with orthopedic recommendations

Ability to be easily crammed into small spaces without damage to backpack or its contents. Examples of spaces to be crammed into include, but are not limited to: lockers, x-ray bins, underneath airplane seats, underneath tables while fully loaded.

Easily able to be opened and searched by hand, or scanned by x-ray.

Resistance to dirt, dust, pollen, sand, sunlight, and water.

Must conform to FAA, TSA, and airline personal item standards.

Candidates will be tested on a variety of metrics. Preference will be given to brands that carry a long warranty period. Although no specific color is required, the requirement to work in all weather conditions means that backpacks which have a high albedo (i.e. light colors) will be preferred.